Eisenhower was very nice, Nixon was his only vice.
Eat the rich -- the poor are tough and stringy.
Draft beer, not people
[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a pile and hold a press conference where you announce that they have a street value of $850 million. These raids never fail, because ALL high schools, including brand-new, never-used ones, have at least 53 marijuana cigarettes in the lockers. As far as anyone can tell, the locker factory puts them there.
Did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of "Grow a Penis"?
Did you hear about the new German microwave oven? ... Seats 500.
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a Communist politician is through, he is through.
Dear Mr. Seldes: I cannot remember the exact wording of the statement to which you allude; but what I meant was that ... a man who calls himself a 100% American and is proud of it, is generally 150% an idiot politically. But the designations may be good business for war veterans. Having bled for their country in 1861 and 1918, they have bled it all they could consequently. And why not?
Dear Lord, observe this bended knee This visage meek and humble, And hear this confidential plea Voiced in reverent mumble: Give me Shylock, give me Fagin But O God spare me Ronald Reagan!