In what can only be described as a surprise move, God has officially announced His candidacy for the U.S. presidency. During His press conference today, the first in over 4000 years, He is quoted as saying, "I think I have a chance for the White House if I can just get my campaign pulled together in time. I'd like to get this country turned around; I mean REALLY turned around! Let's put Florida up north for awhile, and let's get rid of all those annoying mountains and rivers. I never could stand them!"
But among the children of the Great Society there were those whose skins were black. And lo! Their portion was niggardly, and of the fatted calf they were sucking hind teat... Now it came to pass that a prophet rose up amongst them, and they called him King. And he went unto Pharaoh and said, "Let my people go to the front of the bus." But Pharaoh answered: "In the fullness of time and with all deliberate speed shall this thing come to pass. When ye shall prove yourselves worthy, shall ye have your just portion -- yea, verily, like unto a snowball in Hell."
The Begatting of a President
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was ... an arctic wilderness
"Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed: * Governmental offices * Post offices * Libraries * Schools * Banks * Parts of Palm Beach and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina."
Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled with the issue of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John Paul Stevens came up with the famous quotation about how he couldn't define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it. So for a while, the court's policy was to have all the suspected pornography trucked to Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it over. "Nope, this isn't it," he'd say.
He wasn't much of an actor, he wasn't much of a Governor -- Hell, they had to make him President of the United States. It's the only job he's qualified for!
God isn't dead, He's just trying to avoid the draft.
GOD is applied POWER which is applied GOVERNMENT which is applied POLITICS which is applied ADVERTISING which is applied SOCIOLOGY which is applied PSYCHOLOGY which is applied BIOLOGY which is applied CHEMISTRY which is applied PHYSICS which is applied MATH which is applied PHILOSOPHY which is applied BULLSHIT
George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but he also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn't punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand.
Eisenhower was very nice, Nixon was his only vice.