The hell with him

Two buddies had been out drinking for hours when their money finally ran out. "I have an idea," croaked Al. "Lesh go over to my housh and borrow shum money from my wife."

The two of them reeled into Al's living room, snapped on the light, and lo and behold, there was Al's wife making love on the sofa to another man. This state of affairs considerably unnerved Al's friend but didn't seem to affect the husband.

"Shay, dear, you have any money for your ever-lovin' hushban?" he asked.

— Unknown

lose eight pounds in a single day

Attracted by repeated newspaper advertisements, and realizing that his waist had gone both East and West despite his daily racquetball, a young executive appeared at a local health resort. Looking over the several weight loss plans offered, he selected one guaranteed to reduce his weight by two pounds per day. After a light breakfast, and a almost non-existent lunch, he was escorted to a large room, where a young, attractive woman told him that "if he caught her, he could have her". After an hour of hard running, he

— Unknown

fortune2 -o 6752

A guy finishes his 9 to 5, but, instead of going straight home, stops in at a local bar for a drink. He gets his beer, turns around to sit down, and finds himself face to face with a ravishing blonde. The two strike up a conversation, and really hit it off. After a couple drinks they leave the bar go back to her pad, to peruse her etchings. Which doesn't take long -- by seven they were happily engaged in intimate scratching.

— Unknown

I thought it was over for sure

A great American Olympic wrestler was receiving last-minute advice from his coach about the upcoming match with the Soviet Champion.

"This Russian guy is really good, very strong and quick. But I think you can take him. Remember, though, like I've told you before, don't let him get you in the Pretzel hold. With his strength you'd never get out."

— Unknown

Merry Christmas, F you!!

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost ripping up your nose
Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire
And folks dressed up like buffaloes
Everybody knows a turkey slaughtered in the snow
Helps to make the season right
Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out
Will find it hard to see tonight
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh
And every mother's child is sure to spy
To see if reindeer really scream when they die
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
— Unknown


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