X-Files Amendments

Game Type: 
Boot Factor: 

These are additional rules that can be used with X-Files games (or they could be a game on their own.)


From martha@azalea.physics.McMaster.CA Fri Jun 30 16:58:30 1995
Date: Wed, 28 Jun 95 16:39:35 EDT
Subject: Drinking game amendments

A few additions you might like:

DrinksEvent
1Scully keeps herself upright in heels while chasing a fugitive.
1Scully goes and snoops.
1Scully/Mulder gets that "Oh, my god" look on their face.
1Scully/Mulder says "Oh, my god!".
2Scully asks Mulder/Mulder asks Scully, "Are you okay?"

I thought no episode was complete without these. :-)
Martha


Article: 49555 of alt.tv.x-files
From: meryl@cbnews.cb.att.com (meryl.b.smith)
Subject: The SYX Quote Collection Ver3.3- Season 1
Date: Wed, 28 Jun 1995 23:43:24 GMT

The Official SYX Quote Collection Ver3.3

by
Pam Smith
Official Quote Collector of SYX!
(meryl@cbnews.att.com)
(SYXer7@aol.com)

Last Update: 6/95


This is my attempt to compile all those wonderful X-Filisms. A great big *THANK YOU* to everyone who sent me quotes that I missed and the typos I made. :) If you see (or don't see) omissions, errors, etc... email me with the info. ENJOY!

First Season



***The X-Files (pilot episode)***

Mulder: "Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted."

Mulder: "Do you believe in the existence of *extraterrestrials*?"

Mulder: "Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded."

Mulder: "I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me."

Mulder: "The guy obviously needed a longer vacation."

Mulder: "You gotta love this place. Everyday's like Halloween."

Scully: "Agent Mulder believes we are not alone."

(Description: They coffin they lifted out of the grave rolled down the hill and cracked open. Mulder opens it and looks at a very small corpse and says:)
Mulder: "It's probably a safe bet Ray Salms never made the Varsity Basketball team."

Mulder: "So who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?"

Scully: "The answers are there, you just have to know where to look for them."
Mulder: "That's why they put the "I" in FBI."

Mulder: "Yeah, our boys came out here, enjoyed the local salmon, which, with a little lemon twist is to die for... if you'll pardon the expression."

Mulder: "I arranged to have the body exhumed. You aren't squeamish about that sort of thing, are you Scully?"
Scully: "I don't know. I've never had the pleasure."

Scully (answering the door): "Who is it?"
Mulder: "Steven Spielberg."

Mulder: "What's his name...Billy?...said he was sorry he didn't get to say goodbye."

Mulder: "We lost nine minutes!"
Scully: "We lost *WHAT*?"

Scully: "You're saying that time disappeared! Time can't just disappear. It's a universal constant!"
(Dead car starts itself)
Mulder: "Not in this zip code."

(Description: Scully & Mulder's hotel is burning to the ground with all of their evidence inside)
Scully: "There goes my computer."

***Deep Throat***

Mulder: "So what do you make of Uncle Fester, down the street?"

(Description: S&M in the car; M is putting tape into player)
Scully: "What's that?"
Mulder: "Evidence."
(Loud heavy metal music starts. Scully looks exasperated and turns it off.)
Mulder: "Kids today, huh?"

Mulder: "You're the type of person who gives perversion a bad name."

Mulder: "Later, dude!"

Scully: "Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned..."
Mulder: "Ohh! If you were that stoned *what*?"

Mulder: "Tell me I'm crazy."
Scully: "Mulder. You're crazy."

Mulder: "If we ignore them, do you think they'll go away?"

Deep Throat: "Mister Mulder, why are those like yourself, who believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life on Earth, not entirely persuaded by all the evidence to the contrary?"
Mulder: "Because, all the evidence to the contrary is not entirely persuasive."
Deep Throat: "Precisely."

***Squeeze***

Scully: "Oh, God, Mulder. It smells like...I think it's bile."
Mulder: "Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?"

Scully: "Genetics might explain the patterns. It also might explain the sociopathic attitudes and behaviors. It begins with one family member, who raises an offspring, who raises the next child..."
Mulder: "So what's this, the anti-Waltons?"

Colton: "So Mulder, what do you think? Does this look like the work of little green men?"
Mulder: "Grey."
Colton: "Excuse me?"
Mulder: "Grey. You said green men. The Reticulan skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers. Due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy."
Colton: "You can't be serious."
Mulder: "Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for on Reticula?"

Scully: "Mulder, you are jeopardizing my stakeout."
Mulder: "Seeds?"

Mulder: "Do you find me spooky?"

Mulder: "I have a reputation."

Scully: "That's why Blevins has you hidden away down here."
Mulder: "You're down here, too."

Mulder: "You wouldn't shoot an unarmed man, would 'ya copper?"

Mulder: "And maybe because I run into so many people who are hostile just because they can't open their minds to the possibilities that, sometimes, the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation."

Mulder: "Do you have any Dramamine? These [microfilm readers] things always makes me seasick."

Scully: "Is this what it takes to climb the ladder, Colton?"
Colton: "All the way to the top."
Scully: "Then I can't wait until you fall off and land on your ass."

***Conduit***

(at the end of the tape of Mulder's hypnosis)
Dr. Verber: "Do you believe the voice?"
Mulder: "I want to believe."

Scully: "I just don't think it's a good idea to antagonize the local law enforcement."
Mulder: "Who, me? I'm Mr. Congeniality."
Scully: "You never know, we might need his help one of these days."
Mulder: "I'll send him a bundt cake."

***The Jersey Devil***

Scully: "Working hard, Mulder?"
Mulder (indicating to centerfold): "This woman claims to have been taken aboard a space ship and held in an anti-gravity chamber without food and water for three days."
Scully (looking sideways at magazine): "Antigravity's right."

(Description: Scully tells Mulder about a man who had his arms eaten off in New Jersey)
Mulder: "Where in New Jersey?"
Scully: "Just outside Atlantic City."
Mulder: "Not an uncommon place to loose a body part."

Scully: "It was your opening, Mulder. You could have really humiliated him and, uh, told him who the perpetrator was. The Jersey Devil."

Scully's friend: "What about that guy you work with? You said he was kinda cute."
Scully: "Mulder? He's a jerk. Well, he's not a jerk. He's...obsessed with his work."

Scully (on the phone): "What's that sound in the backround?"
Mulder: "That's someone getting sick."
Scully: "Mulder, where are you? The drunk tank?"

Scully: "Well, it's not hard to see why they mistook you for a vagrant.
Mulder: "Are you going to rag on me or take me to get something to eat?"
Scully: "Am I paying, or did you manage to panhandle some change while you were at it?"

Scully: "I have a date."
Mulder: "Can you cancel?"
Scully: "Unlike you, Mulder, I would like to have a life."
Mulder: "I have a life!"

Mulder: "You should have seen her, Scully. She was beautiful."
Scully: "Yeah? Well, she just about ripped your lungs out."

Mulder (walking to the door): "What are you doing?"
Scully: "Going with you to the Smithsonian."
Mulder: "Don't you have a life Scully?"
Scully: "Keep it up Mulder and I'll hurt you like that beast woman."
Mulder: "Eight million years out of Africa..."
Scully (holding door open for him): "And look who's holding the door."

***Shadows***

Mulder: "Hey Scully, do you believe in an afterlife?"
Scully: "I'd settle for a life in this one."

Mulder: "Do you know how hard it is to fake your own death? Only one person has pulled it off-- Elvis!"

Mulder: "I would never lie; I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation."

Scully: "Psychokinesis? You mean how Carrie got even at the prom?"

MIB: "If any inquiries as to this meeting are made, we request full denial."
Mulder: "I'd say you people already suffer from full denial."

Mulder: "Either that or a poltergeist."
Scully (doing a CarolAnn impression): "They're heeeereee!"

***Ghost In The Machine***

Scully: "So, why did you two go your separate ways?"
Mulder: "I'm a pain in the ass to work with."
Scully: "No, seriously."
Mulder: You mean I'm *NOT* a pain in the ass to work with?"

Scully: "Must be for the visually impaired."
Mulder: "How do you like that? A politically correct elevator."

Mulder: "Maybe Drake was talking to someone before he doing his Ben Franklin impersonation."

***Ice***

(As the men start to strip for a their physical exam:)
Mulder: "Before anyone passes judgement, may I remind you, we *are* in the Arctic."

Mulder: "Scully, for God sakes, it's me!"
Scully: "Mulder, you may not be who you are."

Mulder: "Bring your mittens!"

Mulder: "But the weather operator said we have a 3-day window for traveling."
Radio Operator: "Welcome to the top of the world, Agent Mulder."

Mulder: "Obviously, they either think we're brilliant or expendable, because we pulled the assignment."

Mulder: "San Diego? Do you get much of a chance to study ice down there?"
Denny: "Just what's around the keg."

Scully: "Put it down!"
Mulder: "You put it down first!"

Mulder: "It's still there, Scully. 200,000 years down. In the ice."
Scully: "Leave it there."

***Space***

Mulder: "...to deny us evidence."
Scully: "Evidence of what?"
Mulder: "Alien civilization."
Scully: "Of course."

Mulder: "Didn't you ever want to be an astronaut when you were growing up?"
Scully: "I must have missed that phase."

Scully: "Didn't you want to get his autograph?"

Mulder: "You have to admit, that was exciting. Mission control and all."
Scully: "Yeah. Ranks right up there with getting a pony and learning to braid my own hair."

Scully: "It's an oxygen leak. Even *I* can figure out what happens if they run out of oxygen."

***Fallen Angel***

(Inside Mulder's trashed hotel room)
Scully: "What's going on?"
Mulder: "Looks like housekeeping hasn't been here yet."

Max Fenig: "Somebody's always paying attention, Mr Mulder."

Deep Throat: "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer."

***Eve***

Scully: "That's over four liters of blood."
Mulder: "Could say the guy was running on empty."

Mulder: "And one of these girls was just abducted."
Scully: "Kidnapped."
Mulder: "Pa-tay-toe, puh-tah-toe."

Eve 6: "I paid too much attention to a guard. Bit into his eyeball. I meant it as a sign of affection."

Eve 6: "This replication of chromosomes also produces additional genes. Heightened strength, heightened intelligence..."
Mulder: "...Heightened psychosis."
Eve 6: "You saved the best for last."

Mulder: "That's a nice bunny, Tina."

Mulder: "Back off, I'm a Federal Agent."
Trucker: "Yeah, and these are America's Most Wanted."
Woman: "I'll call the police."
Scully: "We *are* the police!"

Tina: "We're just little girls."
Mulder: "That's the LAST thing you are."

***Fire***

Mulder: "That's weird. I was sure I locked it."
Scully: "Must be an X-File."

Mulder: "I was merely extending her a professional courtesy."
Scully: "Oh, is *that* what you were extending?"

Mulder: "Ten to one you can't dance to it."

Phoebe: "Oh, come on. Don't tell me you left your sense of humor in Oxford ten years ago."
Mulder: "No, actually, that's one of the things you didn't manage to drive a stake through."

Scully: "Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower."

Mulder: "Dana Scully, this is Phoebe Green. The terror of Scotland Yard."
Scully: "Hello."
Phoebe (whispering in Mulder's ear): "She hates me."

Scully (as Phoebe): "Care to take me to lunch?"

Scully: "So she shows up knowing the power she has over you and then she makes you walk through fire."
Mulder: "Phoebe is fire."

Scully: "Oh, I forgot what it was like to spend a day in court."
Mulder: "That's one of the luxuries of hunting down aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get to press charges."

Scully: "Can I meet you somewhere?"
Mulder: "No, it's just that I kind of anticipate having my hands full."

Mulder: "Doesn't look like your arsonist is going to make an appearance."
Phoebe: "That doesn't mean there won't be any fires, you know."

Cecil: "Time to call 911."

Nurse: "Can I get you anything, sir?"
Cecil: "I'm just dying for a cigarette."

***Beyond The Sea***

Scully: "Did Boggs confess?"
Mulder: "No, no, it was five hours of Boggs' 'channeling'. After three hours I asked him to summon up the soul of Jimmy Hendrix, and requested 'All Along The Watchtower'. You know, the guy's been dead twenty years, but he still hasn't lost his edge."

Scully: "A woman senses these things."

Scully: "That's a grim deadline."

Scully: "Last time you were that engrossed it turned out you were reading the adult video news."

Scully: "Mulder, do I detect a hint of skepticism?"

***GenderBender***

Mulder: "I know what I saw, Scully, and I saw you about to do the 'wild thing' with some stranger."

Mulder: "What the hell were you doing back there?"
Scully: "I don't know."
Mulder: "You *don't know*?"

Mulder: "How 'ya feeling?"
Scully: "Better. A little embarrassed, actually."
Mulder: "Why? You don't remember anything."

Michael: "The club scene used to be so simple."

Mulder: "Hold on to your hat, Scully, 'cause you're gonna *love* this!"

Scully: "There's something up there, Mulder."
Mulder: "Well, I've been saying that for years."

Mulder: "*Radar love*"

Mulder: "I'm gonna go back for a little look-see."

Scully: "So, what is our profile of the killer? 'Indeterminate height, weight, sex; unarmed, but extremely attractive'?"

Scully: "We can't rule out the possibility that the person we're talking about is a transvestite."
Mulder: "I think Don Juan in there knows the difference between the male and female of the species."

Mulder: "I know that is a puzzle."

Mulder (in hick voice): "You need anything from the *feed store*?"

Mulder: "Now, this... that's... west."
Scully: "What does the map say?"
Mulder (crumbling up and dropping the map): "That we should be there already."

Mulder: "Oh, for a 4-wheel drive."

Mulder: "The Addams Family finds religion."

***Lazarus***

Mulder: "It was a nice story." (in response to the story of a pilot who strangled his wife with an electric cord)

Mulder: "Can you at least accept the idea that during Willis' near-death experience some sort of psychic trauma occurred?"
Scully: "Can't you accept that this isn't an X-File?"

Greskin: "Mulder says he's got something."
Agent: "What? An alien virus, or some new information on the Kennedy assassination?"

***Young At Heart***

Mulder: "Reggie thought I was full of it. I *was* full of it."

Henderson: "This guy a friend of yours?"
Mulder: "Yeah, I play golf with him every Sunday."

Henderson: "10 minutes may be enough time for you, Mulder. Of course, I wouldn't know that from personal experience."

Mulder: "Thanks, Henderson. I owe you one."
Henderson: "Promises, promises."

Mulder: "That guy in the ugly suit is probably CIA."

Scully: "I still don't get it. What does that have to do with us?"
Mulder: "Robbing a jewelry store is a federal crime."
Scully: "Thank you."

Mulder: "...I've got some dead man robbing jewelry stores and sending me haikus."

Mulder: "I know what I'm not gonna do. I'm not going to wait around for John Barnett to send me another Valentine."
Scully: "You mean the ghost of Barnett?"
Mulder: "I didn't know you believed in ghosts, Scully."

Mulder: "You were able to grow Barnett a new hand?"
Dr Riddley: "Not exactly. Not a human hand, anyway. I could never get the cells to divide and behave properly."
Scully: "I'm afraid to ask. What kind of hand *did* you grow?"

Mulder: "How are you feeling?"
Scully: "First time I've ever played the target."
Mulder: "Let's make sure it's not the last."

Scully: "Mulder, I know what you did wasn't by the book."
Mulder: "Tells you something about the book, doesn't it?"

***E.B.E.***

Byers: "Vladamir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats, is being put into power by the most heinous and evil force in the 20th century."
Mulder: "Barney?"

Scully: "Those lights the driver saw may have been swamp gas."
Mulder: "Swamp gas?"
Scully: "It's a natural phenomenon in which phosphane and methane rising from decaying organic matter ignite, creating globes of blue flame."
Mulder: "Happens to me when I eat Dodger Dogs."

Lone Gunman#2: "Is this your skeptical partner?"
LG#3: "She's hot."
LG#1: "You don't believe that the CIA, threatened by a loss of power and funding, because of the collapse of the cold war, wouldn't dream of having the old enemy back?"
Scully: "I think you give the government too much credit. I mean, the government can't control the deficit or manage crime. What makes you think they can plan and execute such an elaborate conspiracy?"
LG#3: "She *is* hot."

Scully: "These are the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible."
Mulder: "I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot."

Mulder: "Some of their ideas are down-right 'spooky'."

Byers: "That's why we like you, Mulder. You're ideas are weirder than ours."

Langly: "Guess what, Mulder? I just had lunch with the guy that shot JFK. He's an old dude, now, but..."

Mulder: "I tied up an air phone for three hours. I don't speak Japanese, but I think some businessman told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don't shine."

Deep Throat: "If a shark stops swimming it will die. Don't stop swimming."

***Miracle Man***

Mulder: "The boy's been performing miracles for the past ten years--twice on Sundays."

Mulder: "I think I saw some of these people at Woodstock."
Scully: "Mulder, you weren't at Woodstock."
Mulder: "I saw the movie."

Scully: "A few dozen grasshoppers doesn't constitute a plague."

Mulder: "That girl..."
Scully: "Who? Jessica Hahn?"

Scully: "Apparently miracles don't come cheap."

Scully (rinsing a lung in the sink): "Mulder, look at this."
Mulder: "Do I have to?"

Scully: "You've got that look on your face, Mulder."
Mulder: "What look is that?"
Scully: "The one where you've forgotten your keys and you're trying to get back in the house."

***Shapes***

Mulder: "A true piece of history, Scully. The very first X-File. Initiated by J. Edgar Hoover himself."

Mulder: "How can you dismiss the evidence?"

Scully: "Well, looks like nothing unexplainable here."
Mulder (holding up a large thin layer of skin with tweezers): "Nope, not a thing."

Ish: "I could smell you a mile away."
Mulder: "They told me that even though my deodorant is made for a woman, it's strong enough for a man."

Scully (looking skeptical): "The creeps?"
Lyle: "Don't you ever get the creeps, Agent Scully?"

Old Indian Man: "You even have an Indian name, Fox. Should be Running Fox or Sleepy Fox..."
Mulder: "So long as it isn't Spooky Fox."

***Darkness Falls***

Scully: "What kind of insect could have gotten a man all the way up in a tree?"
Mulder: "Itsy bitsy spider..."

Scully: "Oh, *brain* sucking parasites."

Mulder: "Come on, Scully. It will be a nice trip to the forest."

Mulder: "I don't think even Bigfoot could choke down so much flannel."

Scully (looking a desiccated loggers corpse): "It's male."
Mulder: "Barely."

Mulder (looking at picture): "Rugged, manly men in the full bloom of manhood."
Scully: "Right, what am I looking for?"
Mulder: "Anything unusual, unlikely, unexplainable...a boyfriend?"

Scully: "What do you think?"
Mulder: "I think I'm gonna suggest we sleep with the lights on."

Mulder: "And if you can't...?"
Bubblesuit: "*That* is not an option, Mr Mulder."

Spinney: "These obviously are *not* your ordinary bugs."

Mulder: "And I told her it would be a nice trip to the forest."

***Tooms***

Mulder: "No, you'd be in trouble just sitting in this car. And I'd hate to see you carry an official reprimand in your career file because of me."
Scully: "Fox..."
Mulder: "(laughs) I... I even made my parents call me Mulder..."
Scully: "Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you."
Mulder: "If there's iced tea in that bag, could be love."
Scully: "Must be fate, Mulder- rootbeer."
Mulder: (fakes a wounded sound and throws head back)
Scully: "You're delirious. Go home and get some sleep."

Mulder: "Do you think they would have taken me more seriously if I had worn the grey suit?"

Mulder: "Tooms has been inside all day. I sat through a Phillies game, and Orioles game, and four hours of Ba-ba-booie. When it got dark, I walked around the block."

Skinner: "You wouldn't be lying to me now, would you Agent Scully?"
Scully: "Sir, I expect you to place the same amount of trust in me as I do in you."

Old Man: "It's kinda cramped down there, but I'm sure you can squeeze in."
Tooms (smiling): "Yes, I'm sure I can."

Scully: "Mulder, It's getting a little ripe in here, don't you think?"
Mulder (pulls air freshener out of glove box): "Pine-scented."

Scully: "Conventional investigation of these cases may decrease the rate of success."

Mulder: "You can get the next mutant."

Scully: "Can you determine the cause of death? My instinct tells me that burial in cement is murder."

***Born Again***

Mulder: "Why is it so hard for you to believe?"

Scully: "There weren't any ghosts flying around the precinct."

Mulder: "Short of growing a mustache, what more will it take?"

***Roland***

Mulder: "I don't think they will be performing this experiment on Beakman's World."

Mulder: "If he had plans to kill Surnow, Nolet, and Keats, why not make it appear the least likely suspect?"
Scully: "Yeah. By the looks of this, (hold up picture of car crash) he's hamburger."

Mulder (holding up shirt): "I think this would be stylin'."

Dr. Barrington: "Due to the extensive trauma suffered during the accident, we were only able to preserve the head."
Scully:"Wouldn't your client find it rather inconvenient to be thawed out, only to find that he has no functional mobility?"

Mulder: "An egghead classic."

Mulder: "How was the wedding?"
Scully: "You mean the part where the groom passed out or the dog bit the drummer?"
Mulder: "Did you catch the bouquet?
Scully: "Maybe."

Mulder: "You've got a brother, don't you, Scully?"
Scully: "Yeah, I have an older one and a younger one."
Mulder: "Have you ever thought about calling one of them all day and then the phone rings and it's one of them?"
Scully: "Does this pitch somehow end in a way for me to lower my long distance charges?"
Mulder: "I believe in psychic connections. Closest of all between family members."
Scully: "OK, but in this case one family member has closer ties to a frozen fudgesicle than he does to his own brother."

Mulder: "There is definitely something unexplainable here, Scully, but not unidentifiable."

Scully: "OK, let's go. I have to call my brother."

***The Erlenmeyer Flask***

Scully: "If this is monkey pee, you're on you're own"

Scully: "Do we even know why the suspect was being chased?"
Mulder: "As far as I can tell, he wouldn't pull over for a moving violation."
Scully: "Well, that ought to put him on the ten most-wanted list."

Mulder: "You think he does it because he gets off on it?"
Scully: "No, I think he does it because *you* do."

Deep Throat: "Calling it a night, Mr Mulder?"
Mulder: "My mother usually likes me home before the street lights come on."

Mulder: "I'm not going to give up. I can't give up. Not as long as the truth is out there."

Scully: "I know by now to trust your instincts."
Mulder: "Why? Nobody else does."

Mulder: "The man we met yesterday kept this place like he was waiting for the people from Good Housekeeping to show up. I never would have pegged him to be the type to do all this. Or a Greg Louganis out the window."

Mulder: "There's only one [scientist] who owned a silver sierra and went bungee jumping with medical gauze around his neck."

MIB: "Your cellular phone has been ringing off the hook."
Mulder: "I'm a popular guy. Why don't you answer it for me?"
MIB: "Oh, I don't like talking on the phone. I have this thing about unsecured lines."



Second Season



***Little Green Men***

Scully: "So you've been seeing elves all your life?"
Mulder: "No, in my case Little Green Men."

Mulder: "I live for Bach."

Scully: "So, whenever he's away, I feed his fish."

Scully: "That would be bad for the fish."

Samantha: "Fox! Fox! help me!... FOX!"

Mulder: "Samaaaaantha! Samaaaaaanthaaaa!...."

Mulder: "Good thing it wasn't a double jeopardy question."

Mulder: "Noho on the rojo." (Don't touch the red [button])

Mulder: "Four dollars for the first hour of parking is criminal. What you've got better be worth at least 45 minutes."

Mulder's Mystery Woman: "Mulder, you hounded me to have lunch with you today, then you don't show. You're a pig!"

Mulder: "Before I could only trust myself. Now I can only trust you. And they've taken you away from me."

Mulder: "They came, Scully. The ones who took her. They were here."

Scully: "Evidence is worthless if you're dead."

Mulder: "I still have my work. I still have you. I still have myself."

***The Host***

Mulder: "Three species disappear every day. Who knows how many new ones are being created?"

Mulder: "It's kind of hard to make an appointment when you're up to your ass in raw sewage."

Mulder: "But, I should warn you, I'm experiencing violent impulses."

Scully: "Well, I'm armed, so I'll take my chances."

Mulder: "You know sometimes it just gets hard to smile when they ask you to bend down and grab your ankles, you know?"

Mr. X: "You have a friend at the FBI"

Mulder: "Lovely"

Scully: "I'm sorry. Felt like old times there for a second."

Mulder: "Good. I didn't want to have to tell Skinner that his suspect was a giant blood sucking worm."

Scully: "Look Mulder, I don't know what to say, but I wouldn't betray a confidence."

Sewage Plant Guy: "560,000 people a day call my office on the porcelain telephone."

Skinner: "This should have been an X-File."

Skinner: "We all take our orders from someone, Agent Mulder."

Mr. X: "Reinstatement of the X-Files must be undeniable."

***Blood***

Mulder: "Hey, Frohike! Can I borrow these?"
Frohike: "If I can have Scully's phone number."

Spencer: "Things like this aren't supposed to happen here."
Mulder: "42 year old real estate agent murders 4 strangers with his bare hands. That's not supposed to happen anywhere."

Spencer: "Played softball with this guy over Labor Day. He was one of those nice guys. Couldn't play and didn't bitch about being stuck in right field..."
Mulder: "What's wrong with right field?"
Spencer: "Always the first to shake hands at the end of the game... didn't matter whether he won or lost..."
Mulder: "Gotta have an arm to play right field..."
Spencer: "Bought a round of beers afterwards even though he didn't drink..."
Mulder: "I played right field."

Mulder: "There have been reported abductee paranoia in UFO mass abduction cases..."
Scully: "I was wondering when you'd get to that."
Mulder: "...I find no evidence of this to be the case.

Winter: "Agent Mulder? Larry Winter, county supervisor."
Mulder: (Showing gloved hand) "Pardon my rubber."

Mulder: "Mrs. McRoberts?"
McRoberts: "Yes?"
Mulder: "This is Sheriff Spencer. I'm Agent Fox Mulder from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. May we come in?"
McRoberts: "I'm late for work."
Mulder: "You can blame me. Been having some car trouble?"
McRoberts: "That's my husband's department."

McRoberts: "S'okay if I have my breakfast?"
Mulder: "It's the day's most important meal..."

Frohike: "Hmm..."
Byers: "In our April edition of The Lone Gunman we ran an article on the CIA's new CCD-TH 2138 fiber-optic lens micro video camera."
Langly: "Small enough to be placed on the back of a fly."
Mulder: "Imagine being one of those flies on the wall of the Oval Office..."
Frohike: "Been there... Done that..."
Byers: "That is an Eurasian Cluster Fly. They infest vegetation like, uh, apples or cherries and can inflict a great deal of damage to crops."
Langly: "This one's probably been irradiated to control propagation."
Byers: "Or, agents of competing South American agricultural corporations posing as Franklin City employees are releasing fertile flies to destroy the crop."
Frohike: (Dunks fly in petrie dish, fly fries) "Nope. This bug's been nuked."
Mulder: (Patting Byers on back) "It was a fine effort, though. Have you ever come across this chemical compound?"
Langly: "LSDM. Obviously you haven't read our August edition of TLG?"
Mulder: "Oh, I'm sorry, boys. It arrived the same day as my subscription to Celebrity Skin."
Byers: "Come over here."
Frohike: (Playing with night goggles) "So, Mulder? Where's your little partner?"
Mulder: "She wouldn't come... She's afraid of her love for you."
Frohike: "She's tasty."
Mulder: "You know, Frohike, it's men like you that give perversion a bad name..."

Winter: "I checked up on you. You have a penchant for 'spooky' evidence."
Mulder: "Don't start with that tired crap. Don't start diverting blame..."

Mulder: "Scully, are you familiar with subliminal messages?
Scully: "You mean like sex in ice cubes in liquor ads? That's paranoia."

Mulder: "He's probably one of those people that thinks Elvis is dead..."
Scully: "Mulder, I was wrong. Exposure to the insecticide *does* induce paranoia."
Mulder: "I think this area is being subjected to a controlled experiment."
Scully: "Controlled by who? By the government, by a corporation, by Reticulans?"

Scully (noticing ripped-out doorbell): "This is odd..."
Mulder: "Frustrated Jehovah's Witness?"

Cell-Phone: ALL DONE BYE BYE.

***Sleepless***

Krycek: "I don't appreciate being ditched like somebody's bad date."
Mulder: "Sorry if I hurt your feelings."
Krycek: "Where do you get off copping this attitude? I mean, you don't know the first thing about me."
Mulder: "Exactly."
Krycek: "You know, back at the academy, some of the guys used to make fun of you."
Mulder: "Oh, stop it, or you're going to hurt *my* feelings."

Mulder: "Well, unless they got to his appendix through his neck..."

Krycek: "Puts a whole new spin on virtual reality."

***Duane Barry***

Official: "Mulder, why are you so paranoid?"
Mulder: "It's not paranoia when you're right."

Scully: "Mulder, it's me. I just had something incredibly strange happen. This piece of metal that they took out of Duane Barry, it has some kind of code on it. I ran it through a scanner, and some kind of serial number came up. What the hell is this thing, Mulder? It's almost...it's almost as if somebody was using it to catalog him...
breaking glass, scuffling, etc.
Mulder! Mulder! I need your help! ...MULDER!"

Kazdan: "He's bent on taking the doctor with him to an alien abduction site, only he can't quite remember where the site is so he stopped at a travel agency."

Kazdan: "...So whatever crap ya gotta make up about spacemen or UFOs, just keep him on the phone."

Mulder: "Duane?"
Duane: "Yeah?"
Mulder: "This is Special Agent Fox Mulder. Look I want to try to help you."
Duane: "Yeah? Well, we're just sitting here waiting for, uh, travel plans."

Kazdan: "They would like it done as neatly and cleanly as possible."
Mulder: "Well you're getting off to a hell of a start."
Rich: "Negotiation IS a process, Agent Mulder."
Mulder: "Well if you just wanted somebody to come down and read the script you didn't have to bring me out..."

Mulder: "Would you like to know what they do to a woman's ovaries?"
Kazdan: "Not particularly."
Mulder: "Well then understand that you might have to alter your approach a little bit here."
Krycek: "Is there anything I can do?"
Kazdan: "Yeah. What's your name again?"
Krycek: "Krycek."
Kazdan: "Krycek. Have you got your notepad?"
Krycek: "Yeah..." (starts pulling it out from jacket pocket)
Kazdan: "Grande, 2% cappuccino with vanilla. Agent Rich?"

Duane: "It's like living with a gun in your head. And never knowing when it's gonna go off..."
Mulder: "You can let the others go, Duane... Let the others go and take me."
Duane: "Aw, they heard you talk like that, they gonna have your ass!" (laughs)
Mulder: "I don't care about that, Duane."
Duane: "No. I wouldn't do that to you. Besides, Doc 'n' I got an appointment. Ain't that right, Doc?"

***Ascension***

Agent: "Why are you so paranoid, Mulder?"
Mulder: "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because I find it hard to trust anyone."

Krycek: "The US Department of Transportation estimates that over 190,000 fatal car crashes every year are caused by sleepiness?"
Mulder: "Did they estimate how many people are put to sleep listening to their statistics?"

Cancer Man: "We tell you only what you need to know."
Krycek: "I think I have the right to know."
Cancer Man: "You have no rights. Only orders to be carried out. If you have a problem with that we'll make other arrangements."

Mulder: "Why? Do they have something on him?"
Mr. X: "They have something on everyone, Mr. Mulder. The question is when they'll use it."

Mr. X: "They only have one policy: Deny Everything."

Skinner: "There is only one thing that I can do, Agent Mulder. As of right now, I'm reopening the X-Files. That's what they fear the most."

Mrs Scully: (Handing Mulder back Scully's cross) "When you find her, give it to her."

***3***

Officer (to Mulder): "You are really upsetting me... on several levels."

Mulder: "They have the same feeble, literal grasp of the bible as all those big-hair preachers do."

"Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day."
--(John 6:54) Written in blood on wall

John: "Don't you want to live forever?"
Mulder: "Not if drawstring pants come back into style."

John: "Look, what nobody knows is that there is no after-life. I know this, but listen, listen. I know this, because, when we prolong our lives by taking theirs, all I see is such horror in their eyes. And that's because at that moment, they're face to face with death and then suddenly they realize there's nothing else. There's no heaven, there's no soul; there's just rot and decay."

John: "He is. A spirit is one who believes. He knows we are possible."

***One Breath***

"The spirit is the truth."
--Inscription on Scully's tombstone

Cancer Man: "I'm in the game because I believe what i'm doing is right."
Mulder: "Right? Who are you to decide what's right?"
Cancer Man: "Who are *you*?"

Lone Gunmen: "Mulder, you look down. You're welcome to come over on Saturday. We're going to jump on the internet and nitpick the scientific inaccuracies of Earth 2."
Mulder: "I'm doing my laundry."

Mr X: "You're a damn schoolboy, Mulder. You have no idea, no idea."
Mulder: "OK, then tell me. Tell me.

Mr. X: "You're my tool, you understand? I come to you when I need you."

Mulder: "That's very politically correct."
Melissa: "That's very human."

Mr. X: "I used to be you; I was where you are now. But, you're not me, Mulder. I don't think you have the heart."

Cancer Man: "If you're having trouble sitting on Mulder, Assistant Director Skinner, I'm sure you know that we would have no trouble."

Mulder: "Since I am unfamiliar with any such incident, sir, no, how *would* I know that?"
Skinner: "Knock it off."
Mulder: "How does it feel? Constant denial of everything, questions answered with a question."

Skinner: "I want to know what happened, dammit!"

Melissa: "Why is it so dark in here?"
Mulder: "Because the lights are off."

Cancer Man: "Don't try and threaten me, Mulder. I've watched presidents die."

Skinner: "We all know the field we play on and we all know what can happen in the course of the game. If you were unprepared for all the potentials, then you shouldn't step on the field."

Cancer Man: "If people were to know of the things I know, it would all fall apart."

Cancer Man: "I have more respect for you, Mulder. You're becoming a player."

Cancer Man: "You can kill me now, but you'll never know the truth."

Skinner: "I'm afraid to look any further beyond that experience. You? You are not."

Skinner: "Agent Mulder, every day, every life is in danger. That's just life."

Melissa: "I don't have to be psychic to see that you're in a very dark place."

Melissa: "Only the light..."
Mulder: "Oh, enough with the harmonic convergence crap. You're not saying anything to me."

Melissa: "You know, just because it's positive and good, doesn't mean it's silly or trite."

Mulder: "I brought you a present. Superstars of the Super Bowl."
Scully: "I knew there was a reason to live."

***Firewalker***

Pierce: "I'm afraid to go through proper channels."

Mulder: "We're not exactly proper channels."

Mulder: "Scully, I don't think it's a good idea for you to go."
Scully: "Mulder, I appreciate your concern, but I'm ready; I want to work.
Mulder: "Well, maybe you should take some time off."
Scully: "I've already lost too much time."

Trepkos: "If my intense desire to find the truth hasn't finally eclipsed the truth itself, our meddling intellect misshapes the beauteous forms of things."

Trepkos: "My mind is a tangled knot I can no longer untie. Daily I fight the urge to sever it completely to stop this dissent."

Scully: "What if he's already dead?"
Mulder: "He'll have a hard time answering my questions."

Scully: "Will you at least let me go with you?"
Mulder: "No."
Scully: "Look, I know what you're thinking, but you have to get past that, we both do. I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere."

Mulder: "Hopefully, that'll give us a better idea of what we're dealing with, whatever it is."

Scully: "Based on this preliminary data, I have come to the following hypothesis."

Trepkos: "I say the Earth holds some truths best left buried."

Mulder: "I'm Special Agent Mulder. I'm with the FBI."

Trepkos: "You still believe you can petition heaven to get some penetrating answer. If you found that answer, what would you do with it?"

Trepkos: "In a single moment, everything that science held sacred suddenly turned on its head."

Mulder: "Mine stands as the only record."

***Red Museum***

Mulder: "You know, for a holy man, you've got quite a knack for pissing people off."

Mulder: "But not Nixon?"
Scully: "No, not even they want to claim Nixon."

Mulder: "I don't know. In the absence of any plausible explanation, it's a novel theory."

Scully: "Kinda hard to tell the villains without a scorecard."

Mulder: "What did you find?"
Scully: "Not much until the toxicology report came back."

Farmer: "People change, too."
Mulder: "In what way?"

Scully: "You said you wanted to show us something."
Farmer: "You're looking at it."

Farmer: "Changed a whole lot of things..."
Scully: "How do you mean?"

Farmer: "Well, I think that you're going to find it all comes from the same root source."

Mulder: "Do you know what you're saying, Scully?"

Farmer: "Says who? The government? Phaaa..."

Mulder: "Any clue as to what this is about?"
Sheriff: "I have no idea."

Mulder: "Scully, you're not going to believe this."

Mulder: "He's been injecting those kids with alien DNA."

***Excelsis Dei***

Mulder: "Whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine."
Scully: "Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos that aren't yours."
Mulder (looking at screen): "Well, this definitely isn't mine."

Hal: "Oh, I didn't mean to step on your toes there."

Hal: "You like strapping me down, don't you?"
Nurse Charters: "Oh yeah, I really get off on it."

Mulder: "Thank you for sharing."

Scully: "I know this is hard for you."

Stan: "You can't handle another one."

Scully: "What if there's a connection?"

Mulder: "Are you saying the building's haunted? Because, if you are, I think you've been working with me too long, Scully."

Dr Greko: "Just what do you expect to find?"
Mulder: "I'm not sure exactly."

Scully: "Mulder, mushrooms aren't medication. They taste good on hamburgers, but they don't raise the dead."

***Aubrey***

Scully: "Go to hell."

Scully: "A woman senses these things."

Scully (looking at x-ray): "Any cavities?"
Mulder: "I brush after every meal. Would you say they match?

Mulder: "During their time, Cheney's and Ledbetter's ideas weren't very well received by their peers. Using psychology to solve a crime was something like..."
Scully: "Believing in the paranormal?"
Mulder: "Exactly. But there's another mystery."
Scully: "Which is?"
Mulder: "Well, I'd like to know why this police woman would suddenly drive her car into a field the size of Rhode Island and for no rhyme or reason dig up the bones of a man whose been missing for 50 years. I mean unless there was a neon sign saying 'Dig Here'..."
Scully: "I guess that's why we're going to Aubrey."
Mulder: "Yes, and, also, I've always been intrigued by women named BJ."

Mulder: "Well, I don't want to jump to any rash conclusions but I'd say he's definitely our prime subject, huh?"
Scully: "Mulder, the man we're talking about is 77 years old."
Mulder: "Well, George Foreman won the heavyweight crown at 45. Some people are late bloomers."

Mulder: "You mean a hunch?"
Scully: "Yeah, something like that."
Mulder: "Well that's a pretty extreme hunch."
Scully: "Well I seem to recall you having some pretty extreme hunches."
Mulder: "I never have..."

Cokley: "Doctors said I was sick back then. They gave me some pills. I served my time and...now I'm better."
Scully: "What kind of pills."
Cokley: "Red and white ones, little sister."

Cokley: "...On the night you're talkin' about, I was sittin' here watching a show about a lost dog. Then after that it was a show about a..."
Scully: "That won't be necessary."
Cokley: "Good. Now, are you about finished with me, little sister?"
Scully: "For now."

Scully: "I don't think that Mendel had serial killers in mind when he developed his theory on genetics."

Mulder: "There are countless stories of twins who are separated at birth who end up in the same occupation, marrying the same kind of people, each naming their child Waldo."
Scully: "Waldo?"

Scully: "Well then how do you explain the cuts on her own chest?"
Mulder: "I can't explain everything. Maybe she carved them on herself or maybe it's some kind of weird stigmata. Whatever it is, BJ's not herself."

BJ: "This time you'll stay dead"

***Irresistible***

Mulder: "The conquest of fear lies in the moment of it's acceptance."

Scully: "I trust him with my life."

Donnie Pfaster: "Do you treat your hair? I mean...do you use chemicals?"

Agent Bochs: "Anything slightly freakazoid, that's the drill. Call Mo Bochs. As if I'm tight with all the nut cases in town."

Mulder: "Tends to be bad for business when those kind of stories get around."

Bochs: "You're saying some human's been doing this?"
Mulder: "Yeah, if you want to call him that."

Scully: "I'm coming back. Do you need my help?"
Mulder: "Always."

Mulder: "Well, some people collect salt and pepper shakers. Fetishists collect dead things-- fingernails and hair. No one quite knows why. Though I've never really understood salt and pepper shakers myself."

Scully: "It took us 3 hours to get here, our plane doesn't leave until tomorrow night. If you suspected..."
Mulder: "Vikings versus Redskins, Scully. 40 yard line in the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. You and me."

Newscaster: "Oh, long pass, Cris Carter with the catch. And Carter brought down by Lars Mayos at the Washington 5 yard line for a Viking 1st down!"
Bochs: "Sorry you had to miss your game but--we found more bodies dug up."
Scully: "Did you get your forensics report on the first murder?"
Newscaster: "Carter's gotta be happy about that!"

Bochs: "There was somebody down there in the grave, cut the hair with a pair of pinking shears. Gotta wonder about this guy..."
Mulder: "Well, at least he wasn't down there with his dippity-do and his blow-dryer."

Hooker: "You gonna catch this guy?"
Bochs: "We'll catch him."
Mulder: "It might be a good week to take that paid vacation the boss owes you."
Hooker: "Yeah. Right."

Mulder: "...It's an unfathomable hatred of women. Probably going back to his mother."
Bochs: "I'd say she's pretty fried at him, too."

Mulder: "You know people videotape police beatings on darkened streets. They manage to spot Elvis in three cities across America every day. But no one saw a pretty woman being forced off the road in her rental car."

Mulder: "Where would he go?"
Bochs: "Anywhere but his mother's, right?"Mulder: "Why do you say that?"
Bochs: "Being he's so pissed off at her, from what your profile says. Right?"

Pfaster: "There's no way out, girlie-girl...I know this house, girlie-girl, there's nowhere to hide.

***Die Hand Die Verletzt***

Scully: "...But it would take a python hours... *days* to digest a human."
Mulder: "You really do watch The Learning Channel, don't you?"

Sheriff: "They listen to that *devil* music."
Mulder: "What? 'The Night Chicago Died'?"

Mulder: "Better hide your Megadeath albums."
Mulder: "Did you really expect to conjure up the devil and ask him to behave?"

Scully: "I mean, there's nothing *weird* about..."
(Suddenly, a rain of toads bombards them)
Mulder: "Lunch?"
Scully: "Mulder! *Toads* just fell from the sky!"
Mulder: "I guess their parachutes didn't open. You were saying something about this place not feeling odd?"

?: "It's high school. It's normal for students to display abnormal behavior."

?: "If Mulder knows, it will make the sacrifice more meaningful."

Paul Vitares: "It [the showers] will make the blood easier to clean up."

Ms Paddock: "Goodbye, it's been nice working with you."

***Fresh Bones***

Mulder: "He was one of the Few, the Proud, the Dead."

Mulder: "You should *always* carry protection."

Scully: "Maybe I should kiss one [of the frogs] and see if it turns into Gutierrez."

Soldier: "The Statue of Liberty is on vacation."

***Colony***

Mulder: "I have lived with a fragile faith built on the ether of vague memories from an experience that I can neither prove nor explain. When I was twelve, my sister was taken from me, taken from our home by a force that I came to believe was extraterrestrial. This belief sustained me, fueling a quest for truths that were as elusive as the memory itself. To believe as passionately as I did was not without sacrifice, but I always accepted the risks...to my career, my reputation, my relationships...to life itself...What happened to me out on the ice has justified every belief. If I should die now, it would be with the certainty that my faith has been righteous. And if, through death, larger mysteries are revealed, I will have already learned the answer to the question that has driven me here...that there is intelligent life in the universe other than our own...that they are here among us...and that they have begun to colonize."

Shipman #1: "You've got to see this, Captain. We've got a UFO or something buzzin' us. Right up here..."
Shipman #2: "It's been just hovering up there for about 20 minutes."
Captain: "Could be a helicopter..."
Shipman #2: "Not the way it flew over us."
Shipman #1: "It's coming at us again..."
Shipman #2: "It's gonna crash!"
Captain: "Reverse Engines!"
Navigator: "All astern!"
Captain: "We're going after it."

Mulder: "Oh, hey. I've been looking for you."
Scully: "I was just down the street. Someone fired more shots at the White House last night."
Mulder: "You gotta wonder about a country where even the President has to worry about drive-by shootings."

Mulder: "...all worked in abortion clinics. They died in separate arson fires."
Scully: "Sounds like the work of militant right-to-lifers."

Scully: "Triplets?"
Mulder: "Nope. I can't find any blood connection between them. In fact, I can't find any records on them at all. It's as if before they died, they never existed."
Scully: "What?"

Officer: "Dr. Prince performed legal clinical abortions. He seems to be having his own share of occupational hazards these days."

Officer: "We're hoping for an indictment."
Mulder: "Soon as you locate Dr. Prince's remains."

Scully: "I've got a bad feeling about this case, Mulder."
Mulder: "What do you mean?"
Scully: "Well, nothing about it makes sense. We've got 3 deaths of identical victims, no bodies, a virtual non-suspect..."
Mulder: "Sounds just like an X-File."

Mulder: "If somebody really wanted to set us up would they give us this little to go on?"

Mulder: "How would you access that [voice mail]?"
Receptionist: "Well, you'd start by paying the bill."

(Description: After Mulder got hit by a car)
Scully: "How do you feel?"
Mulder: "Like I should have used the crosswalk. A lot better than my phone."

Scully: "Our `friend' from the CIA is about as unbelievable as his story. As is everything about this case. I mean, whatever happened to `Trust no one'?"
Mulder: "Oh, I changed it to `Trust everyone'. Didn't I tell you?"

Mulder: "I think you're being paranoid."

Scully: "Well, Skinner's going to want to know why you didn't file the report. What are you going to say?"
Mulder: "The truth. I got hit by a car."

'Samantha': "Fox."

Mulder's Mom: "It *is* really her... isn't it?"

'Samantha': "Is it too late for a game of Stratego?"
Mulder: "It's 22 years too late."

Receptionist: "Now, *who* was that message for?"

***Endgame***

Captain: "Prepare to surface!"
Midshipman: "Surface into what? We're under 32 feet of glacial ice!"

'Mulder': "Okay, I'm going to take my left hand and reach into my pocket and get my ID, okay? Just don't shoot me. I got shot once and I didn't much care for it..."

'Samantha': "I know how to kill him."
Mulder: "How?"
`Samantha': "By piercing the base of the skull..."
Mulder: "That would kill anybody."

'Samantha': "I'm fairly sure it will work."
Mulder: "'Fairly' sure?"

Mulder: "That's a good story. But I've heard a lot of good stories lately."

Mulder: (lounging on the couch with a loaded gun) "Make yourself at home..."
Skinner: "What's going on here, Agent Mulder? Why are all the lights out?"
Mulder: "Orders from my ophthalmologist."

Mulder: "These guys can hollow out a dime at 200 yards."

Mulder: "...The hard part is telling my father."

Mr. X: "You wanted to see me?"
Mulder: "How was the opera?"
Mr. X: "Wonderful. I've never slept better. I don't like these hasty public meetings, Agent Mulder."
Mulder: "I'm sorry. I need your help."
Mr. X: "It's over. The fat lady is singing."

Mr. X: "Excuse me..
Skinner: "Did you tell her what she needed to know? (slams X against the elevator wall) How hard to you want to make this?"
Mr. X: "No harder than it has to be."
(Headbutts Skinner, they exchange blows, Skinner finally tossing X down on the floor. X pulls gun)
Mr. X: "I've killed men for far less."
Skinner: "You pull that trigger you'll be killing 2 men. Now I want to know where Mulder is..."

Scully: "How did you get this?"
Skinner: "Unofficial channels."

Assassin: "Is the answer to your question worth dying for? Is that what you want?"
Mulder: "Where is she? Just tell me where she is."
Assassin: "She's alive. Can you die now?"

Scully: "Hey... How you feeling?"
Mulder: "Like I got a bad case of freezer burn."

Scully: "Thanks for ditching me..."

Scully: "Did you find what you were looking for?
Mulder (whispering): "No...no. But I found something I'd thought I'd lost. Faith to keep looking..."

Scully: "Transfusion and an aggressive treatment with anti-viral agents have resulted in a steady but gradual improvement in Agent Mulder's condition. Blood tests have confirmed his exposure to the still unidentified retrovirus whose origin remains a mystery. The search team that found Agent Mulder has located neither the missing submarine nor the man he was looking for. Several aspects of this case remain unexplained, suggesting the possibility of paranormal phenomena...but I am convinced that to accept such conclusions is to abandon all hope of understanding the scientific events behind them. Many of the things I have seen have challenged my faith and my belief in an ordered universe but this uncertainty has only strengthened my need to know, to understand, to apply reason to those things which seem to defy it. It was science that isolated the retrovirus Agent Mulder was exposed to, and science that allowed us to understand its behavior, and ultimately, it was science that saved Agent Mulder's life."

***Fearful Symmetry***

Mulder: "It's all happening at the zoo, Scully."

Janitor: "They don't pay you to dance, Roberto...God is watching..."

Mulder: "Well if somebody would have seen it, Scully, we wouldn't be here."

Mulder: "I'd be willing to admit the possibility of a tornado, but it's not really tornado season. I'd even be willing to entertain the notion of a black hole passing over the area or some cosmic anomaly but it's not really black hole season either..."

Mulder: "If I was a betting man I'd say it was, uh..."
Scully: "An invisible elephant?"
Mulder: "I saw David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear once."

Scully: "What are you looking for, Mulder?
Mulder: "Uh, local paper...I want to see if David Copperfield is in town."

Willa: "Elephants aren't particularly good jumpers, if that's what you're thinking..."

Mulder: "How's your relationship with Ed Meacham?
Willa: "I'm his boss and I'm a woman, and Ed doesn't like that much."

Scully: "And you consider that inhumane treatment?"
Kyle: "It's like you were out living in a pickle barrel."

Kyle: "...All animals should run free."
Scully: "Even if that means trampling a man to death?"
Kyle: "Maybe he should have gotten out of the way."
Mulder: "I'm sure he would have if he had seen it coming."

Scully: "And where are you going?"
Mulder: "Talk to the animals [The Lone Gunmen]."

Frohike: "Beam me up Scotty!"
Mulder: "Did anybody ever tell you the camera loves you, Frohike?"
Frohike: "Yeah, the arresting officers at the Free James Brown rally..."
Byers: "What's this costing the taxpayers, Mulder?"
Mulder: "Uh, about 150 bucks an hour."
Frohike: "Ouch! Almost as much as Bill Clinton's haircuts!"
Mulder: "Where's Langly?"
Byers: "He has a philosophical issue with having his image bounced off a satellite."
Frohike: "What are you doing in Idaho?"

(Mulder's cell-phone beeps)
Frohike: (Eyebrows up) "If that's the lovely Agent Scully, let her know I've been working out...I'm buff!"

Scully: "Well that guy really pisses me off."
Mulder: "You OK, Scully?"
Scully: "Yeah..."
Mulder: "Calmed down?"

Mulder: "What?"
Scully: "Is this who you wanted to speak with?" (Sophie)
Mulder: "It's basic investigative procedure, Agent Scully. Interview all the possible witnesses."

Scully: "I hope you know what you're getting us into, Mulder."
Mulder: "I'm pretty sure of what we're gonna find."
Scully: "'Cause this isn't exactly in my job description."
Mulder: "Ah, next thing you know they'll be doing it on MTV Sports."

Scully: "There's evidence of hyperplasia and the corpus luteum is ruptured."
Willa: "That's not possible."
Mulder: "Neither is an invisible elephant."

Construction worker: (Laughs) "Still can't believe you bet on the Chargers!"

Ed: "It's all right, Willa. They don't all talk and draw pictures."

Willa: "Aliens impregnating zoo animals?"
Mulder: "Yes, and harvesting embryos."
Willa: "Why?"
Mulder: "Maybe their own Noah's ark? To preserve the DNA of those animals that we're depleting to extinction. Whatever it is, that's probably the reason why you've never had a successful birth at this facility."
Willa: "I think that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
Mulder: "I understand that you might think it was ridiculous and maybe you should ask Sophie..."

Scully: "I was looking for a pen to finish my report in Willa's office. I found this in a drawer."
Mulder: "It's a Small World After All..."

***Dod Kalm***

Scully: "Something very strange is going on here, Mulder."

Scully: "Off by about a hundred years you don't seem to suprised."

Scully: "Mulder, what do you know about free electrons?"
Mulder: "Is this a quiz?"

Olafsson: "You don't have to die."
Trondheim: "We all have to die."

Trondheim: "Why don't you just go ahead and shoot me if you think I'm going to let Mulder have another *drop*!"

Mulder: "I always thought that when I got old I'd take a cruise somewhere. This is not what I had in mind. The service on this ship is *terrible*, Scully."

Scully: "As certain as I am of this life, we have nothing to fear when it's over."

***Humbug***

Blockhead: "I won't talk to you until I consult with my lawyer."
Scully: "Who is your lawyer?"
Blockhead: "I represent myself."

Jerry's kid: "Did ya see a lot of weird stuff this year?"
Jerry: "Yep, it was the weirdest show ever."

Mulder: "This shows the entry wounds of the undetermined weapon. There were no other injuries inflicted upon the body, no internal organs were removed and/or cannibalized, and there's no signs of any sexual molestation, either."

Eulogist: "...for although Jerry was a world-renowned escape artist, there is one strongbox from which none of us can escape... (coffin begins to shake violently, as if Jerry's about to make an escape)

Dr Blockhead: "...But as an admirer of the man's work, I am in a position to perform an impromptu tribute in his honor! Namely, ramming this spike INTO MY CHEST!"

Mulder: "I can't wait for the wake."

Mulder: "I got the impression that Glazebrook wasn't the only sideshow performer residing here..."

Sheriff: "...on the inside, they're as normal as anybody."
Scully: "Until their arrest, many serial killers are considered by their friends and family to be quite normal. If you truly regard these people as normal, then you must also consider the possibility that they are capable of committing these crimes.

Helm: "Who are the rubes?"

Helm: "...it's not a funhouse, it's a tabernacle of terror."
Sheriff: "It's a funhouse."

Sheriff: "You don't mean to tell me you think these tracks are made by the *Fiji Mermaid*?"
Scully: "Do you recall what Barnum said about suckers?"
(Motions at Mulder)

Mulder: "Tell me, have you done much circus work in your life?"
Mr Nut: "And what makes you think I've ever spectated a circus? Much less been enslaved by one?"
Mulder: "I know that many of the citizens here are former circus hands, and I just thought that..."
Mr Nut: "You thought that because I am a person of short stature, that the only career I could procure for myself would be one confined to the so-called 'Big Top'. You took one quick look at me, and decided that you could deduce my entire life. Never did it occur to you that a person of my height could have possibly obtained a degree in Hotel Management."
Mulder: "I'm sorry. I meant no offense."
Mr Nut: "Well then why should I take offense? Just because it's human nature to make instantaneous judgements of others based solely upon their physical appearances? Well I've done the same thing to you, for example. I've taken in your all- American features, your dour demeanor, your unimaginative necktie design, and concluded that you work for the government; an FBI agent... but do you see the tragedy here? I have mistakenly deduced you to a stereotype. A caricature, instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual."
Mulder: But I *am* an FBI agent." (flips out badge)

Lenny: "Mr. Nut, the kind-hearted manager here, convinced me that to make a living by publicly displaying my deformity lacked dignity. So... now I carry other people's luggage. I believe these are your trailers; if they are not... then I am wrong."
Mulder: (Bends over to take suitcases, but while he's down there, takes a long hard look at Leonard, the twin. Feeling guilty that Lenny notices it, slips him some money. Lenny is too drunk to take the palmed money)
Lenny: "Oh, that's most considerate. Thank you very much."
(Mulder shows Scully that he still has the tip in his hand)

Lenny: "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. (staggers down the road, realizes what he said and comes back) No, no, that's... that's not what I meant.. I... I didn't mean to imply that we had bedbugs... I... I meant to say don't let... don't let the..."
Mulder: "The Fiji Mermaids bite."
Lenny: "Yes, that's right... the Fiji Mermaids..."

Mulder: "Just try not to be so exclusive, Scully."
Scully: "As long as you try not to let the atmosphere of this town distort your list all out of proportion."

Dr Blockhead: "How many people do you know that can get out of a straight jacket in under 3 minutes?"
Scully: "Fortunately none..."

(Description: Dr B. has just hammered a long nail up his nose)
Mulder: "Have you ever performed this... act on anyone else?"
Dr Blockhead: "What, are you sick? I tell my audiences that if they're stupid enough to try this on themselves they'll end up with a slight lobotomy. I am a professional."
Mulder: "Exactly how does one become a professional Blockhead? May I?" (pulls out nail)

Dr Blockhead: "Did you know that through the protective practice of Tiea Bu Shan, you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?"
Mulder: "Oh, I'm doing that as we speak..."

Mulder: "I saw him this morning down by the river. He was eating a fish."
Dr Blockhead: "He knows eating between-show snacks will ruin his appetite."
Mulder: "I could be mistaken. Maybe it was another bald-headed jigsaw puzzle tattooed naked guy I saw."
Scully: "Is this man also a body manipulator?"
Dr Blockhead: "No, in the classical sense The Conundrum is a geek."
Mulder: "He eats live animals..."
Dr Blockhead: "He eats anything: live animals, dead animals, rocks, light bulbs, corkscrews, battery cables, cranberries..."
Scully: "Human flesh?"
Dr Blockhead: "Only The Conundrum can answer that question. But, he doesn't answer questions, he merely poses them. When an audience partakes in The Conundrum's human piranha act, they are left to ask themselves... why? But, where are my manners?" (Offers Scully a cricket-filled jar)
Scully: (Takes one) "Thank you." (Eats cricket, smiles at Mulder then walks away. Mulder looks shocked, refuses the crickets)

(Description: Scully pulls cricket she "ate" from behind Mulder's ear)
Scully: "It's an old sleight of hand my uncle taught me. He was only an amateur magician but he was still better than those two."
Mulder: "Well I'm going over to the lab to see if they can test the blood on the window against the blood on Dr. Blockhead's nail. (Produces nail from mid-air). Everybody's uncle's an amateur magician."

Curator: "At the autopsy it was officially concluded that Chang died of a cerebral hemorrhage."
Scully: "And what was the official cause of Eng's death?"
Curator: "Fright."

Mr Nut: "I know what you're thinking my friend, but you're grossly mistaken... Just because I'm not of so-called average height does not mean I must receive my thrills vicariously. Not all women are attracted to overly tall, lanky men such as yourself. You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring."
Mulder: "You'd be surprised how many men do as well."

(Description: M&S are digging up object buried by sheriff)
Mulder: (pauses from his digging) "Scully, hypertrichosis does not connote lycanthrophy."
Scully: "What are you implying?"
Mulder: "We're being highly discriminatory here. Just because a man was once afflicted with excessive hairyness, we've no reason to suspect him of aberrant behavior."
Scully: "It's like assuming guilt based solely on skin color, isn't it?"
(M&S look embarrassed, but keep digging)

Sheriff: "May I ask what you're doing?"
Mulder: "We're exhuming... your potato."
Sheriff: "May I ask why?"
Scully: "Sheriff, it's... it's... it's been documented that many serial killers... [...]"
Mulder: "We found out that you used to be a dog-faced boy." (gives pamphlet to Sheriff)
Sheriff: "Boy, look how skinny I was back then."

Scully: "That doesn't quite explain the potato."
Sheriff: "I got... ah, some warts on my hand."
Mulder: "That doesn't quite explain the potato."
Sheriff: "To get rid of warts, you... rub a sliced potato on your hand and bury it under a full moon. Investigation isn't going too well, is it?"
(Mulder tosses potato back into hole)

Sheriff: "...I spent the first half of my life as Jim Jim. Then one morning I noticed a bald spot on top of my head and realized I wasn't only losing my hair but my career as well. Eventually all the hair went, on top my head anyways. The rest of my body's still pretty hairy, which is... why I never go to the beach."

Mr Nut: "So tell me, Commodore? Why are the weirdos the only ones that pay their rent checks in advance?"

Scully: "You know, Mulder. For a while there I was beginning to suspect this case involved something a bit more... uhm..."
Mulder: "Freakish? You really shouldn't complain about banality, Scully. When your main suspect is the human Blockhead..."

Dr Blockhead: "If people knew the true price of spirituality, there'd be more atheists."

Scully: "Sir, if you're going to be uncooperative, I'll have to handcuff you."
Dr Blockhead: "What gives you fascists the right to do that?"
Scully: "Did I not mention we're federal agents?"
Dr Blockhead: "Did I not mention that I'm an escape artist?"
(Dr B. breaks free, pushes Mulder down and goes out the door, Mulder falls onto bed of nails)
Scully: "Mulder, are you alright?"
Mulder: "It's more comfortable than a futon..."
Sheriff: "Hey, look what I caught! (Has Block by his fishing lines, tugs at it to emphasize point)
Dr Blockhead: "Ouch!"

Dr Blockhead: "So..., your twin can, uh (makes 'exiting' motion) and then... (makes 'entering' motion)? [Lenny nods] What an act!"

Mulder: (To Conundrum) "Have you seen a... a... ahh, forget it."

Sheriff: "Now you're sure it was the twin running around here? Now maybe it was the Fiji Mermaid, he jumped back in the river and swum his way back to Fiji..."
Mulder: (To Scully) "Now you know how I feel."

Scully: "I already performed the autopsy on him [Lenny] this morning."
Dr Blockhead: "So I guess it's true. You can never go home again."

Dr Blockhead: "...You see, I've seen the future, and the future looks just like him... [Mulder in a classic GQ pose] Imagine, going through your whole life looking like that. That's why it's left up to the self-made freaks like me 'n The Conundrum to remind people..."
Scully: "Remind them of what?"
Dr Blockhead: "Nature abhors normality. It can't go too long without a mutant."

Mulder: "What's the matter with your friend?"
Dr. Blockhead: "I don't know what his problem is. Maybe it's the Florida heat?"
Scully: "Hope it's nothing serious."
Conundrum: "Probably something I ate."

***The Calusari***

Mulder: "...You see this is a helium balloon here, and the only thing I learned in kindergarten is when you let them go they float up, up and away. But you see this is moving away from him. Horizontally."
Scully: "Did you learn about _wind_ in kindergarten?"

Chuck: "...but with this special software which... I designed..."
Mulder: (Gives Scully an 'I don't know...' look about Chuck)
Chuck: "...we can detect hidden 'information.'"

Scully: "So you're saying that a... a ghost killed Teddy Holvey..."

Mulder: "...I think from the... 'information'... here, this is clearly some kind of poltergeist activity."
Scully: "Mulder, this information is the same reason why I'll see a newspaper photo with Jesus' face appearing in the... the foliage of an Elm tree."

Scully: "I've seen some pretty slippery 2 year olds..."
Mulder: "...So unless Teddy Holvey was the reincarnation of Houdini. And that would have been an X-File in itself."

Scully: "Well I think this boy needs as much protection as he can get, but just not from ghosties and beasties."

Scully: "Have you ever heard of Munchausen by Proxy?"
Mulder: "Yeah, my grandfather used to take that for his stomach."

Mulder: "Before Chuck succumbed to the glamours of academia he did a tour of duty on the old Hippie Trail."

Chuck: "In 1979 I witnessed a guru named Sala Baba (sp?) create an entire feast out of thin air."
Scully: "Too bad you didn't take a picture. You could have run it through your computer and seen the entire Last Supper."

Calusari #1: "It is over for now. But you must be careful. It knows you."

***F. Emasculata***

Scully: "According to the briefing, prisoners escaped by hiding in a laundry cart."
Mulder: "I don't think the guards are watching enough prison movies."

Mulder: "I thought this was about escaped prisoners..."
Scully: "It is."
Mulder: "Then who are the men in the funny suits?"

Marshall: "FBI, we're not a crook and politician sting."

Marshall: "Well then you'd be a real big help is you just tried to... stay out of the way."
Mulder: "Well, we'd be happy to, soon as we can talk to someone who's in CHARGE..."
Marshall: (Peeved) "I'm in charge here."
Mulder: "Apparently not, or you'd know why our involvement was requested."

Scully: "Where are you going?"
Mulder: "To see if I can get in the way."

Mulder: "Deadly? How deadly?"
Scully: "Well, from what I've seen so far, 36 hours after infection deadly."

Mean Doc: (To Scully) "You see what I let you see."

Mulder: "Kid's got a lot of hair- probably absorbed the blow."

Marshall: "Until we can access them [the prisoners' records] this is Smokey and the Bandit."

Mulder: "My badge number is JTT047101111."

Cancer Man: "Then you don't know much, Agent Mulder."

Cancer Man: "The truth would have caused panic. Panic would have cost lives. We control the disease by controlling the information."
Mulder: "You can't protect the public by lying."
Cancer Man: "It's done every day..."

Cancer Man: "How many people are being infected while you stand here not doing your job? 10? 20? What's the truth, Agent Mulder?"

Scully: "There'll be a time for the truth, Mulder, but this isn't it."

Skinner: "You really have no idea who you're dealing with, do you?"
Mulder: "I THOUGHT I was dealing with you."

Skinner: "I stand right on the line that you keep crossing."

Skinner: "Agent Mulder. I'm saying this as a friend. Watch your back. This is just the beginning."

***Soft Light***

Kelly: "Heard a lot about you..." [to Mulder]
Mulder: [To Scully] "We'll talk later..."

Kelly: "Agent Scully, what are you looking at?"
Scully: "Uh, the heat register."
Kelly: "You don't think anyone could have squeezed in there?"
Mulder: "You never know..."

Scully: "Having a little fun?"

[Description: M&S discussing the possibility of a spontaneous combustion theory:]
Scully: "Let's just forget for the moment that there's no scientific theory to support it."
Mulder: "Okay."

Mulder: "Hey Scully, can you spare a prophylactic?"

Scully: "Darkness covers a multitude of sins."
Mulder: "Check this out. My newest tool in the fight against crime. $49.95 at your local hardware store."
Scully: "Neat trick. For your birthday I'll buy you a utility belt."

Mulder: "Yeah but half of Richmond earns their paycheck making cancer sticks."

Mulder: "Maybe it's not so spontaneous. Get on the phone to your 'young detective' and tell her to get a detail down to the train station."

Banton: "Oh god, not again!"

Scully: "Chances are he's not walking around carrying a sign with an arrow on it."

Mulder: "Why's he doing that?" [Looking at the floor]
Scully: "Probably the same reason he spends his whole afternoon in the train station."

Mulder: "Powered by what?"
Davey: "Couple billion megawatts. Virginia Power loved us."

Scully: "...Nonsensical repetitive behavior is a common trait of mental illness."
Mulder: "You trying to tell me something?"

Det. Beren: "Yeah, I was just wondering what your involvement is here."
Mulder: "We caught the guy."

Mulder: "...He believes the government is out to get him."
Mr X: "It's tax season. So do most Americans."

Mr X: "Dead men can't keep promises. The next time the blood and regret might be yours."

Mulder: "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, Scully."

***Our Town***

Scully: "They're sending us on some kind of a wild goose chase."
Mulder: "Chicken chase."

Scully: "I'm surprised she didn't call Oprah as soon as she got off the phone with the police."

Mulder: "Well, most legends don't leave behind 12' burn marks."

Mulder: "...It gave me nightmares."
Scully: "I didn't think anything gave you nightmares."
Mulder: "Well I was young."

Mulder: "The state police found his car on the I-10, right in the middle of Dudley, Arkansas. Home of Chaco Chicken."

Chaco Motto: "Good Food. Good People."

Mulder: "Chickens eat chickens?"

Mr Chaco: "Not many people I know as useful as these chickens."

Mulder: "Who knows, Scully? This could turn out to be even *more* interesting than foxfires."

Scully: "I just came up with a sick theory."
Mulder: "Oooo, I'm listening!"

Mulder: "Well I'd like it dragged as soon as possible."
Sheriff: "Why would ya wanna do that?"
Mulder: "To see what's in there."

Scully: "All of them share one strange detail, Mulder."
Mulder: "Well they seem to have lost their heads..."

Mulder: "Someone's been playing with matches..."

***The Anasazi***

Thinker: "You BITCH! Beautiful!"

Mulder: "I'm not feeling well. I didn't sleep last night. I'm really not in the mood for the Three Stooges."
Frohike: "I don't think we've been followed."
Mulder: "Who would follow YOU?"

Langly: "Trained killers. School of the Americas alumni."
Mulder: "You boys been defacing library books again?"

Frohike: "We're history..." (he actually says "Wierdness"...J.L.)

Thinker: "I.. I don't want you to know my real name. I.. I just don't think it's that important that you know."
Mulder: "Sounds like a line I used in a bar once."

Mulder: "Are you familiar with the 10 Commandments, Scully?"
Scully: "You want me to recite them?"
Mulder: "Just number 4, the one about obeying the Sabbath. The part where God made heaven and earth but didn't bother to tell anybody about his side projects?"

Scully: "What is this?"
Mulder: "The Holy Grail..."

Scully: "Where did you get this?"
Mulder: "Your friendly neighborhood anarchist."

Scully: "Mulder, are you okay?"
Mulder: "Yeah, I just haven't been sleeping."

Cancer Man: "As always, we maintain plausible denial. The files are only as real as their possible authentication."

Mulder: "I came home. Must be running a fever. Maybe it's the threat of being burned at the stake."

Mulder: "So you can clear your conscience and your name? You've been making reports on me since the beginning, Scully, taking your *LITTLE NOTES*!!!"

Mulder: "You shot me!"
Scully: "Yes, I did. You didn't give me much choice. You were about to kill Krycek."
Mulder: "Why'd you shoot ME? HE'S the one..."

[On MIBs putting LSD in the water]
Scully: "Well it wasn't an exercise in subtlety."

Albert: "You're lucky she's a good shot."
Mulder: "Or a bad one..."

Cancer Man: "You're a hard man to reach."
Mulder: "Not hard enough, apparently."
Cancer Man: "Where are you?"
Mulder: "I'm at the Betty Ford Center, where are you?"
Cancer Man: "I need to talk to you, Mr. Mulder. In person. There are things to explain."
Mulder: "I'll save the government the plane fare. I just need to know which government that is."

Mulder: "No, he couldn't live with it because you had him killed."

Mulder: "But these aren't human, Scully. From the look of it I'd say they were alien."
Scully: "Are you sure?"
Mulder: "I'm pretty damn sure."


Pam Smith
Official Quote Collector, Keeper of the SYX FAQ, SYXer#7, and Captain
Video of SYX!
EMXC Assistant Editor
Comic Book Aficionado Supreme!

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