Babylon 5 was our last, best hope for peace. It failed. But in 1996, the year of the kick-butt writing and an immense rise in acting quality, it became something greater: our last, best hope for getting blind, stinking blotto.
The Babylon 5 Drinking Game version 3.1was a dream given form. A spinning, careening way to enjoy the show and ignore some of its more glaring flaws. Two million gallons of icy cold velvet hammers... All alone in the night.
Uh, whatever. On to the game!
Something to drink, preferably but not necessarily of alcoholic content, a container from which to drink, and a ready source of refills.
- Sips are a quickie pull at your beverage, sort of like giving it a peck on the cheek; double and triple sips should be measured and consumed accordingly.
- Gulps are fairly large swallows, and double gulps should account for a substantial portion of your glass/can/barrel/whatever.
- Chugs equate to an order of "finish off your drink and get a new one."
- Finishing off the bottle is exactly what it implies; it is potentially suicidal, but mercifully rare.
How and when to drink:
Enough of that! On to the rules!
- Sip whenever Bester uses his powers, intimidates or angers someone (double for non-command staff), becomes the target of an assault, disparages "mundanes/normals," or makes a smartass comment.
- Sip whenever Delenn says "in Valens' name" or "there are beings in the universe," lies or doesn't tell the whole truth, wears pants, has or talks about problems relating to her human side, takes charge and/or acts as the cavalry, seems romantically attracted to someone, or looks tortured or about to cry.
- Sip whenever Franklin talks about death, jacks a stim, or treats a patient (double if he makes a patient worse, gulp if the patient dies).
- Sip whenever Garibaldi fires a weapon, looks around before saying a line, watches Duck Dodgers (double if he watches another cartoon, chug if someone watches DD without Garibaldi), has a scene concerning food, breaks the law, bugs Franklin about his stim problem, apprehends a criminal personally, or outfoxes anyone.
- Sip whenever G'Kar grimaces, says "my people/government/world/etc.," "thump," or "key," does something sneaky and underhanded, or acts as "St. G'Kar."
- Sip whenever Ivanova is blunt/rude/short with someone, wears sleepwear on camera (triple if it's her birthday suit!), brings up being Russian or Jewish, acts as a consultant/confidant, gets propositioned or innuendoed (triple if she has a positive reaction!), or makes an "Ivanovism."
- Sip whenever Kosh does something supernatural or says "Yes."
- Sip whenever Lennier gets into his Minbari fighting stance, starts rambling on and gets interrupted, or discusses anything Minbari-related.
- Sip whenever Londo takes a drink, says "debauchery," "my good/dear friend," "go a-way," or "great maker," does something sneaky and underhanded, or is wracked by his conscience.
- Sip whenever Lyta gets pissed off, shows signs of Vorlons messing about with her, or pauses inordinately before saying a line.
- Sip whenever Marcus makes his thing get bigger ;-), talks about becoming or being a Ranger, displays impressive knowledge about alien cultures, makes a "Marcusism" (Such as, "I'm not repressed any more" or "You can get more with a kind word and a to by four than just a kind word), or attempts to BS his way out of a situation rather than fighting (triple if he's successful).
- Sip whenever Morden smiles, gets advised by his invisible Shadow companions, arranges for/oversees an assassination, or says "What do you want?"
- Sip whenever Sheriden becomes the target of an assassination attempt or a smear campaign, makes a difficult or earthshattering decision or announcement, mentions his father (double when he actually talks to his father, or for that matter, Kosh), or says "hell."
- Sip whenever Sinclair becomes the target of an assassination attempt or a smear campaign, makes a difficult or earthshattering decision or announcement, or says anything with a trace of emotion.
- Sip whenever Talia acts coy or seems about to cry, talks about the hardships of being a telepath, or suffers somehow from her powers or the use thereof.
- Sip whenever Vir acts with either extreme backbone or lack thereof (double when he does both at once), acts as Londo's conscience or pulls Londo's butt out of the fire, says or does anything that makes you want to call him "Flounder," or tells Morden he wants him dead.
- Sip whenever Zathras says something Zathrassy (chug if he says something unZathrassy), cowers, or makes a slip of the tongue.
- Sip whenever a major character gets pissed off to the point of making a speech about it.
- Double sip whenever a major character gets pissed off to the point of violence.
- Finish off the bottle whenever a major character dies.
- Sip whenever any of the command staff appears out of their usual uniform (double if they're in Starfury togs, triple if they're wearing that funky riot gear).
- Sip whenever any nonhuman comments on the curious customs/behavior of humans.
- Double gulp whenever contact is made with a new race.
- Double sip whenever an alien actually speaks in an alien language, triple whenever anyone speaks a language that is not their own.
- Sip whenever a Narn or Centauri says "homeworld."
- Sip whenever a Vorlon speaks (double if it says "good," chug if it says something coherent), or is seen out of its suit.
- Double sip whenever a Vorlon appears away from Babylon 5.
- Sip whenever a Centauri does a flying roundhouse kick.
- Gulp whenever anyone discusses Centauri, *cough*, anatomy.
- Sip whenever you hear a Shadow creature, triple whenever you see a Shadow creature.
- Double sip whenever a Shadow ship "screams."
- Sip whenever you hear the distinctive whine of a PPG being powered up
- Sip whenever a brawl erupts (double if it's in the Zocolo or if a Pak'mara gets caught in it).
- Sip whenever whenever any small fighter is destroyed (double if it's a Starfury, gulp if we knew the pilot).
- Triple sip whenever any large cruiser (Narn Cruiser, EA Destroyer, Battlecrab, etc.) is destroyed.
- Gulp whenever any space station *hint hint* is destroyed in flashback/foreshadowing.
- Double gulp whenever any space station is destroyed for real (finish off the bottle if it's B5).
- Double sip whenever they close the blast window in C&C.
- Gulp for tear-jerking "battle aftermath" shots/scenes.
Fights! (double all drinks for fights in hyperspace.)
- Sip whenever a jumpgate is activated.
- Double sip whenever a (gateless) jump point appears.
- Sip whenever someone lights a candle.
- Sip whenever someone watches ISN.
- Double sip whenever someone uses telepathy.
- Gulp whenever a telepath mentions "the voices."
- Double sip whenever someone has a vision of the future.
- Double sip whenever someone has a flashback (triple if it's to the earth-minbari war).
- Sip whenever someone refers to Epsilon 3, the machine, or Draal.
- Double sip whenever someone mentions Mars or the Free Mars movement (finish off the bottle if we find out that the head of the Free Mars movement is named Marvin).
- Double sip whenever someone repeats the end of a line ("So cold... so cold").
- Double sip whenever you see a ranger other than Marcus or Ranger One, gulp whenever you see a ranger other than Marcus during the third season.
- Sip for gratuitous CGI shots (have fun with those first season eps!).
- Sip for gratuitous philosophizing.
- Sip for gratuitous overacting/overdelivery, double for bad delivery from a major character. (WARNING: you may want to skip this rule for first season...) ;-)
- Sip for gratuitous slow-motion or cheezy music, triple sip for both at once.
- Gulp for JMS hints and giveaways.
- Sip for Comlink segues and interruptions (Segues and Interruptions-- title for an episode, JMS?). ;-)
- Gulp for any shot that gets used in the credits (if you're picky or watching an episode with a lot of stock footage [AIIEEE!!! DEFENSE GRID!], just drinking for shots from that season's credits is fine).
- Cheer wildly and chug for every insider/internet reference (e.g., the "Netter's Syndrome" that Lennier uses to get a drunkard away from him, the Hyperion, the Round Table discussion, etc.).
- G. Peefalt (email@example.com)
- Rick Castello (firstname.lastname@example.org)
- Brian Bragg (email@example.com)
- Elizabeth Pringleavnd
- Jeff Wilson (firstname.lastname@example.org)
- Tilmann Steinberg (email@example.com), nature's most stable structure
- Kristin Hersh
- Me! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
- Everyone else on r.a.s.t.b5.m
- and last but certainly greatest, JMS, without whom none of this would exist.
Contributors and special thanks:
The occasional modification made by drink (site owner).Please direct all questions, comments, and suggestions (especially for new rules) to email@example.com. Babylon 5 and all associated names are copyrighted by Warner Brothers.